Pre-Race Reflection

I started to panic on Friday night. Regretting every skipped workout, every morning I wanted to sleep an extra 30 minutes, every late night pretzel, every french fry. In just 8 short hours, I'll be standing on Broad Street in Philadelphia with 40,000 other runners. Panic-induced fears include not being able to finish the race, lots of self-conscious body bullshit, weird stuff like worrying someone will yell at me for using headphones, or worrying that a contact lens will fall out of my eye. Or that I'll fall down a set of stairs and break my ankle before I even get on the course.

So letting all of that stuff go . . .

18 months ago, I was 70 pounds heavier. I drank nothing but diet coke. I ran a 15-minute mile. I struggled to wrap my hands around my knee on the yoga mat. I couldn't step forward into a lunge. I lost my breath walking up the hill on Northampton Street to the yoga studio. Cheese was a major food group.

Today, I'm still 70 pounds lighter. I drink nothing but water. I run a 13-minute mile long distance, and I can run a 10-minute speed mile. I have a bigger range of motion on the mat, and I've even managed to hover in crow for a few unstable seconds. I haven't had dairy in 18 months. And my favorite thing of all . . .what hill on Northampton Street?

I imagined that my body would look different on this day. I would have liked another 70 pounds gone. I would have liked another 10 mile trial run. But I'm trying to let go of all the attachments to outcomes . . .the shoulds, the expectations. My goal is to enjoy the experience. The run. And if the course closes before I'm done, then I move to the sidewalk and enjoy the new perspective. And if I walk, I walk. And maybe it's important for bodies like mine to be out there. So other people with bodies like mine will know that amazing things are possible - exactly the way they are.