So, just an update/warning from my last post: You have to look at every single Soy Boy label. I don't know if they're in the process of making their tofu gluten-free or what, but I just bought a package of smoked tofu from Whole Foods and when I got home I realized it had gluten in it. But the same exact brand and flavor from Wegman's was gluten-free. So check your labels. Always. :(
In other happy news, I know I've said this before but I actually think my withdrawal is over. Every day gets better. I haven't had poke-my-eyes-out-with-spoons cravings in a few days and I'm actually satisfied when I eat. I forgot this would happen. This is how I felt on the fast. It gets better, it gets better, it gets better! It hurts for weeks, but then I swear it will get better.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Healing Hashimoto's: Day 13
The edge is starting to come off, so that's nice. I'm not crawling out of my skin for a pretzel or a cookie. Although, I still imagine eating them sometimes. I'm starting to find some quick-fix favorites. The trip to Vermont forced me to think about portable meals and snacks so now I feel prepared for the upcoming school year. Some great quick-fix lunches I've loved are mostly a variety of salads. I mix chickpeas with salsa and avocado, or coconut and lemon (I'm not a fan of lemon, so I think next time I'll try orange juice), salads with various berries and seeds, or sometimes tempeh, and homemade balsamic vinegarette. And one really simple, really delicious quick lunch is just smoked tofu with balsamic - and I added mixed seeds. Really yummy. Great salty snacks are edamame or nuts. My favorite sweet snack is apples with peanut butter - and the peanut butter is literally just ground peanuts. No sugar really means no sugar - including agave, cane juice, dried fruit of any kind, and some of my favorite fruits, like pineapple.
The biggest challenge is dinner because I'm cooking for two, and one of the two is not a vegan and has a big appetite. I've tried some recipes, some modifications of my favorite meals, and some things just made up off the top of my head. Favorites include a taco - made of walnuts, smoked tofu, mushrooms, and onion with cumin, coriander, and Bragg's amino acids, and I also really loved Chinese night which consisted of Asian-flavored tofu with broccoli, carrots, celery, and onion. I've tried things I've never tried before - brussel sprouts and parsnips to name a few. Yes to brussel sprouts, no thanks to parsnips.
The foundation of a lot of my meals are these amazing varities of tofu by Soy Boy. They have Asian, Smoked, Italian, and Carribean - although the Carribean flavor has gluten in it, the rest are gluten free! Don't be fooled by the online label, they updated the soy sauce to be wheat free. (I learned this after a brief panic attack when I looked at the below picture and then frantically searched the ingredients on the package in my fridge.)
Closing out week 2, I'm ten pounds down and seem to be slowly recovering from withdrawal.
The biggest challenge is dinner because I'm cooking for two, and one of the two is not a vegan and has a big appetite. I've tried some recipes, some modifications of my favorite meals, and some things just made up off the top of my head. Favorites include a taco - made of walnuts, smoked tofu, mushrooms, and onion with cumin, coriander, and Bragg's amino acids, and I also really loved Chinese night which consisted of Asian-flavored tofu with broccoli, carrots, celery, and onion. I've tried things I've never tried before - brussel sprouts and parsnips to name a few. Yes to brussel sprouts, no thanks to parsnips.
The foundation of a lot of my meals are these amazing varities of tofu by Soy Boy. They have Asian, Smoked, Italian, and Carribean - although the Carribean flavor has gluten in it, the rest are gluten free! Don't be fooled by the online label, they updated the soy sauce to be wheat free. (I learned this after a brief panic attack when I looked at the below picture and then frantically searched the ingredients on the package in my fridge.)
Closing out week 2, I'm ten pounds down and seem to be slowly recovering from withdrawal.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Healing Hashimoto's: Day 5
The sugar withdrawal has had me an emotional and physical wreck over the past 5 days. I've been exhausted, taking naps in the afternoons when I can and sleeping as late as possible - which usually means 10am. Chuck and I tried to develop a sugary baked peach by using vanilla, cinnamon, and pecans. It was delicious, although not exactly "sugary." It's amazing how the body becomes dependent on these substances without us even knowing it. I had no idea how much I depended on sugar to get me through the day. As soon as I got into the chiroprator's office he asked if I was in sugar withdrawal. So it's nice to know that this is normal - and he said it should be over soon.
Additions to my program include taking a daily pH test in the mornings, a nutritional supplement mixed in coconut milk twice a day, and drawing the alphabet in the air with my left arm twice a day. That's in addition to my very limited diet, 8000 IU of vitamin D a day, and doing a "cross crawl" every night before bed. A cross crawl is basically just laying on your back and lifting your left knee to your chest while raising your right arm above your head, and then switching sides - like crawling on your back. And I'm also going to the office to have my diet checked and to breathe from the oxygen machine for 20 minutes twice a week.
So that's all the latest news from the exciting world of autoimmune diseases. I made a pretty good black bean and sweet potato burger for dinner. And since I happened to be passing through Bethlehem, I also stopped at Wegman's and stocked up on all my favorite tofu varieties. Tomorrow I get to spit into tubes all day to have my hormone levels tested.
Additions to my program include taking a daily pH test in the mornings, a nutritional supplement mixed in coconut milk twice a day, and drawing the alphabet in the air with my left arm twice a day. That's in addition to my very limited diet, 8000 IU of vitamin D a day, and doing a "cross crawl" every night before bed. A cross crawl is basically just laying on your back and lifting your left knee to your chest while raising your right arm above your head, and then switching sides - like crawling on your back. And I'm also going to the office to have my diet checked and to breathe from the oxygen machine for 20 minutes twice a week.
So that's all the latest news from the exciting world of autoimmune diseases. I made a pretty good black bean and sweet potato burger for dinner. And since I happened to be passing through Bethlehem, I also stopped at Wegman's and stocked up on all my favorite tofu varieties. Tomorrow I get to spit into tubes all day to have my hormone levels tested.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Healing Hashimoto's: Day 2
I didn't expect to go through any kind of withdrawal symptoms. I mean, I'm a vegan that drinks nothing by water. What kind of an addiction could I possibly withdrawal from? Um . . .gluten! And SUGAR! By noon on the first day, I had a headache and I was exhausted. I took a nap in the afternoon hoping to alleviate the pain but it persisted.
If day one was the physical withdrawal, day two was the emotional withdrawal. I regulate by eating. If I'm too happy, too sad, too angry, too much adrenaline, too little energy . . .anything and everything is solved by eating. My habit is eating for the sensation. Never for health. Never for hunger. So that means two things:
One: I have little desire to eat. I find myself just putting things into my mouth to avoid fainting for lack of nutrition or to stop my stomach from growling. I don't have the food knowledge or cooking experience to really just KNOW what to eat. I know what to eat for a quick-fix good feeling. I know a pretzel will make me forget the flat tire I had this morning. I know a peanut chew will calm the adrenaline high from my first experience practice-teaching a yoga class. So two . . .
Two: After today's highs and lows I wanted nothing more than to numb out with my salty sweet gluten and sugar combo. I didn't. But I wanted to. I found myself not knowing what to do with my feelings. So today consisted of lots of tears.
Funny to think I'm crying over a pretzel. But it's more than that. It's fear. It's actually feeling emotion. It's withdrawal. And it's the end of Day 2! Each day in is one day closer to comfort. One day closer to the new normal.
In actual food news - I found an interesting recipe for vegan feta cheese that I tried tonight. The feta base was crumbled tofu and it was flavored with herbs, spices, vinegar, and olive oil. I put the "feta cheese" with steamed spinach into a portabello mushroom cap and baked it in the oven. I thought it was good. And very feta-like. But then again, I haven't had feta in a long, long time.
If day one was the physical withdrawal, day two was the emotional withdrawal. I regulate by eating. If I'm too happy, too sad, too angry, too much adrenaline, too little energy . . .anything and everything is solved by eating. My habit is eating for the sensation. Never for health. Never for hunger. So that means two things:
One: I have little desire to eat. I find myself just putting things into my mouth to avoid fainting for lack of nutrition or to stop my stomach from growling. I don't have the food knowledge or cooking experience to really just KNOW what to eat. I know what to eat for a quick-fix good feeling. I know a pretzel will make me forget the flat tire I had this morning. I know a peanut chew will calm the adrenaline high from my first experience practice-teaching a yoga class. So two . . .
Two: After today's highs and lows I wanted nothing more than to numb out with my salty sweet gluten and sugar combo. I didn't. But I wanted to. I found myself not knowing what to do with my feelings. So today consisted of lots of tears.
Funny to think I'm crying over a pretzel. But it's more than that. It's fear. It's actually feeling emotion. It's withdrawal. And it's the end of Day 2! Each day in is one day closer to comfort. One day closer to the new normal.
In actual food news - I found an interesting recipe for vegan feta cheese that I tried tonight. The feta base was crumbled tofu and it was flavored with herbs, spices, vinegar, and olive oil. I put the "feta cheese" with steamed spinach into a portabello mushroom cap and baked it in the oven. I thought it was good. And very feta-like. But then again, I haven't had feta in a long, long time.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Healing Hashimoto's: Introduction
So the battle rages on.
Quick update since the 10-miler:
10-mile race was a success! Broad Street was an amazing experience and it actually felt easy. It must have been all the cheering crowds on the sidelines. I'll definitely try to win a spot again next year.
In terms of weight and health, I have to admit that in the stress of being a first-year teacher in Newark, I lost the battle with addiction and turned back to the comfort of french fries, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and lots of crackers, cookies, and juice to get me through my days. I gained back 32.2 pounds, meaning I now weigh 232.2.
And my body feels it. I feel tired most of the time. Very moody. Filled with anxiety, anger, self-doubt, and the disappointingly familiar resistance to looking at any reflective surfaces. Our relationship with food isn't just about physical health. It's mental health. It's spiritual health. Food is God. It permeates every aspect of being alive.
For a long time, I had the feeling of being damaged. Unchangeable. I could find temporary fixes - like the fast. But permanent change seemed impossible. I would lose the energy to keep going . . .succumb to the promise of numbness or aliveness or calmness or energy that a soft pretzel could provide. That a peanut chew could provide. That a dorito could provide. I'm a junk-food vegan. Because that's what felt immediately good. That's what provided immediate relief.
Finally, I went to a chiropractor who specialized in treating Hashimoto's Disease - which I suspected I had, due to my genetic predisposition. I chose this doctor because I knew he would respect my vegan lifestyle and that he would treat the disease nutritionally.
Lo and behold, after a blood test which consisted of 8 viles of blood (seriously!) . . .it was confirmed that I have Hashimoto's. So the short story is, I have a chronic autoimmune disorder in which the body attacks the thyroid. The disorder is not curable, however it is "manageable." But most doctors "manage" the disease by treating the symptom - a constant fluctuation between hypo and hyperthyroidism. They do this by medicating the patient with Thyroid Replacement Hormones - which then makes all the lab tests look great, but leaves the person feeling exactly how they did when they first discovered their disorder. And the autoimmune disease rages on. The chiropractor's theory is that to manage the autoimmune disorder, the immune system has to be supported by impeccable nutrition. I am the opposite of impeccable nutrition. In fact, I see a list of foods . . .and have not one clue what I could even start to do with them.
After being told I could never eat gluten for the rest of my life and that I would be living without sugar for the next 7 months, I sat dazed in the doctor's office while he explained how to lick the vitamin D supplement off the back of my hand and proceded to treat me with oxygen therapy - sticking tubes up my nose and forcing me to watch a documentary on the horrors of gluten while I breathed oxygen for 15 minutes. And then I was told this was my life. Twice a week. For the next 7 months. Really.
And to add insult to injury, I would have to write down every single thing I ate - every single day. Every. Single. Thing. I have to say I was really emotional leaving the doctor's office. I mean, I knew it was coming - but I suddenly felt like my drugs were being taken away from me. How would I function? How would I get out of bed in the morning? How would I deal with stress? What would make me feel good? What would take all the pain away - physical and emotional? I need my fucking Oreos!
It sounds funny, but that's really what it feels like. My most reliable coping mechanism is being torn out of my gripping hands. And there's nothing I can do about it. I have the choice to allow this to happen - make it happen - and ultimately feel better. Or I can pretend I don't know what I know. I can let my thyroid be destroyed by my own body, rendering it completely useless and having to have it surgically removed - forcing a lifelong dependency on prescription medication. And STILL feeling tired, STILL feeling anxious, STILL fighting my own body.
No. I have to do this. So of course, I said my goodbyes to all my favorite things. Chinese food, oreo cookies, pretzels, french fries, cupcakes. It was like a love feast. How long can I make this high last until the last remnants of sugar and gluten expunge themselves from my body? As if eating more means staying high longer. Which of course, is not the case.
So here we go. 7 months. Not sure how often I'll blog, but I know blogging during the fast became a ritual that not only held me accountable but probably was the driving force behind my successful completion of 60 days.
So I'll say goodnight and have my final cookie . . .or 2.
Last Oreo:
Quick update since the 10-miler:
10-mile race was a success! Broad Street was an amazing experience and it actually felt easy. It must have been all the cheering crowds on the sidelines. I'll definitely try to win a spot again next year.
In terms of weight and health, I have to admit that in the stress of being a first-year teacher in Newark, I lost the battle with addiction and turned back to the comfort of french fries, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and lots of crackers, cookies, and juice to get me through my days. I gained back 32.2 pounds, meaning I now weigh 232.2.
And my body feels it. I feel tired most of the time. Very moody. Filled with anxiety, anger, self-doubt, and the disappointingly familiar resistance to looking at any reflective surfaces. Our relationship with food isn't just about physical health. It's mental health. It's spiritual health. Food is God. It permeates every aspect of being alive.
For a long time, I had the feeling of being damaged. Unchangeable. I could find temporary fixes - like the fast. But permanent change seemed impossible. I would lose the energy to keep going . . .succumb to the promise of numbness or aliveness or calmness or energy that a soft pretzel could provide. That a peanut chew could provide. That a dorito could provide. I'm a junk-food vegan. Because that's what felt immediately good. That's what provided immediate relief.
Finally, I went to a chiropractor who specialized in treating Hashimoto's Disease - which I suspected I had, due to my genetic predisposition. I chose this doctor because I knew he would respect my vegan lifestyle and that he would treat the disease nutritionally.
Lo and behold, after a blood test which consisted of 8 viles of blood (seriously!) . . .it was confirmed that I have Hashimoto's. So the short story is, I have a chronic autoimmune disorder in which the body attacks the thyroid. The disorder is not curable, however it is "manageable." But most doctors "manage" the disease by treating the symptom - a constant fluctuation between hypo and hyperthyroidism. They do this by medicating the patient with Thyroid Replacement Hormones - which then makes all the lab tests look great, but leaves the person feeling exactly how they did when they first discovered their disorder. And the autoimmune disease rages on. The chiropractor's theory is that to manage the autoimmune disorder, the immune system has to be supported by impeccable nutrition. I am the opposite of impeccable nutrition. In fact, I see a list of foods . . .and have not one clue what I could even start to do with them.
After being told I could never eat gluten for the rest of my life and that I would be living without sugar for the next 7 months, I sat dazed in the doctor's office while he explained how to lick the vitamin D supplement off the back of my hand and proceded to treat me with oxygen therapy - sticking tubes up my nose and forcing me to watch a documentary on the horrors of gluten while I breathed oxygen for 15 minutes. And then I was told this was my life. Twice a week. For the next 7 months. Really.
And to add insult to injury, I would have to write down every single thing I ate - every single day. Every. Single. Thing. I have to say I was really emotional leaving the doctor's office. I mean, I knew it was coming - but I suddenly felt like my drugs were being taken away from me. How would I function? How would I get out of bed in the morning? How would I deal with stress? What would make me feel good? What would take all the pain away - physical and emotional? I need my fucking Oreos!
It sounds funny, but that's really what it feels like. My most reliable coping mechanism is being torn out of my gripping hands. And there's nothing I can do about it. I have the choice to allow this to happen - make it happen - and ultimately feel better. Or I can pretend I don't know what I know. I can let my thyroid be destroyed by my own body, rendering it completely useless and having to have it surgically removed - forcing a lifelong dependency on prescription medication. And STILL feeling tired, STILL feeling anxious, STILL fighting my own body.
No. I have to do this. So of course, I said my goodbyes to all my favorite things. Chinese food, oreo cookies, pretzels, french fries, cupcakes. It was like a love feast. How long can I make this high last until the last remnants of sugar and gluten expunge themselves from my body? As if eating more means staying high longer. Which of course, is not the case.
So here we go. 7 months. Not sure how often I'll blog, but I know blogging during the fast became a ritual that not only held me accountable but probably was the driving force behind my successful completion of 60 days.
So I'll say goodnight and have my final cookie . . .or 2.
Last Oreo:
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