Checking in . . .

It has been two weeks since the end of the Cleanse. My rational brain is very pleased with how I've been doing. I've been making mostly healthy choices and I've been very active. As you may recall, I started walking around my complex a few weeks into the Cleanse. When I finished 21 days of walking - which was about 6 days ago, I started doing two laps - one running and one walking. I was so nervous when I resolved to go out for that first run. I haven't been running since I moved to Pennsylvania - and probably even a year or two before that. That's a long time. Probably 6 years and a good 50 pounds ago. I was nervous about not being able to make it around the complex - and I was also nervous about people watching me. The first few days were a struggle. My back and my chest were in pain and it took a lot of willpower to keep my feet moving. On day number 4, I found my stride. Four seems to be the magic number with me. On the fourth day of the Cleanse, my headaches disappeared and I felt eased into what I was doing. On my fourth day of running, I felt like I could run forever. I crave it now. I went hiking today - so I was going to skip the run. But as the sun was setting, I just wanted to go. I wanted to feel the adrenaline rush. So I went.

My emotional brain is a real party pooper. There are ups and downs. Some days, I'll be at the gym and I'll look at myself in the mirror while I'm using one of the machines and I'll think, "Wow . . .my legs look so skinny!" And I can feel my pants sliding down on my hips. And I know I'm lifting more weight. But there are also days when I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and be disgusted with what I see. It's hard to ignore that nasty little part of you that says you will never change. The weight loss has slowed down considerably. (To a healthy, normal rate.) But to go from seeing four or five pounds come off every week . . .to now seeing only a pound, or a fraction of a pound difference - it can be much less exciting and somewhat disheartening. (Although totally normal.)

So rationally, I'm doing great. I'm now safely at 239, which is 1.2 pounds down from the end of the Cleanse and 15 pounds in total. (And that includes a 4th of July feast, an unfortunate brownie incident, and a trip to the diner.) I'm really looking forward to the 220s . . .

Conclusion: After the 21 Days

"The AT climbs steeply out of the parking lot on Saylorsburg-Wind Gap Rd. in Wind Gap, up a rocky hillside through small, spindly oaks. Traffic sounds from PA 33, a nearby four-lane highway, can be heard distinctly for the entire 0.6 mi. ascent, adding insult to physical injury. Rocks litter the trail like hungry piranhas, biting boots of unwary hikers. At the top of the ridge, the trail meanders under a canopy of scrawny oaks and elms, through rocks too small to sit on, thus depriving the hiker of any benefit from their presence. They are sized instead to be obstacles, and perform that role quite well" (Glenn Scherer and Don Hopey - "Exploring the Appalachian Trail: Hikes in the Mid-Atlantic States).

What an appropriate way to end the Cleanse. As I was stubbing my toes on the piranha rocks described so eloquently above, I was thinking about how similar the two journeys were. On the AT, I find that if you are thinking about the total distance you are about to cover the entire time you are hiking - and you just stare off into the distance, imagining the pain of covering all those miles - it becomes overwhelming and you start to believe you can't do it. Not to mention, you stumble on the rocks that are right under your feet. But if you take each step as an individual accomplishment, looking just a few feet ahead - you are amazed that the next time you stop for water, you've just been hiking for two hours and covered four miles of rocky terrain.

On the Cleanse, I became disheartened when I focused on how many days I had left, what I couldn't eat, and what I would do when it was over. When I ate my meals one at a time, appreciating each one - the end of the day came so quickly, I couldn't believe I was already writing another blog. Before I knew it, it was over.

Today, as a reward for covering 21 days as a sugar-free, caffeine-free, gluten-free, alcohol-free vegan - and for having just hiked 15 miles in two days, I treated myself to two slices of pizza (so much for remaining a vegan) - and an ice cream from Vegan Treats. But fear not! - I really feel like this experience has forced me to become conscious of what I'm eating and when. I'm not on auto-pilot anymore. Even today, when I could have chosen a diet coke, I remained faithful to my glass of water. I hope to check-in regularly to help keep me acountable. Until then, just a few more items of business to take care of:

I am finishing the Cleanse at 240.2 pounds. That is a 3.8 pound weight loss for the week, and a Total Cleanse Weight Loss of 13.8.

I wanted to also give everyone a quick guide to the tools that helped me through this process, or places that I may have mentioned -
1. "The Quantum Wellness Cleanse: the 21-Day Essential Guide to Healing Your Body, Mind, and Spirit." ~ Kathy Freston
2. http://www.for21days.com
3. http://www.vegantreats.com
4. http://www.luxecosalon.com

And finally, thank you so much to everyone who has been following my blog and sending me encouraging notes! I felt a lot of support from a lot of people - and some days when I didn't think I could do it, I would get a nice note and feel really good about the changes I was making. Thank you! See ya later!

Day 21

I can't stay long, because I'm about to head out on a 2-day hike on the AT. Today is the official last day! This has been an amazing experience, and I'd like to continue updating from time to time in-between Cleanses. I'll post a reflection on the entire 21 days tomorrow when I get back. Nature, here I come!

Day 20

I went grocery shopping today for my off-Cleanse meals next week. It was surreal. I felt guilty picking out items that listed milk as an ingredient - or that I knew were filled with gluten. I still tried to pick out as many vegan meat substitutes as I could and bought vegan rice cheese, too. I also noticed that the pizza sauce I picked up contained high fructose corn syrup, so I put it back and chose a sugar-free, all-natural brand instead. I was about $20 over budget - but we were out of a lot of items and I had to buy extra trail mix for the big hike! Plus, I won that extra $20 at the casino a few nights ago . . .so does that mean I'm technically still within budget? See you tomorrow for the big finale . . .

Day 19

Today was a surprisingly difficult day in terms of the Cleanse. I was craving foods I haven't craved since the first few days . . .I wanted a slice of pizza or a hoagie or something. Just something fast and easy. And I had to force myself out the door for my walk. I watched a movie when I got home instead of making dinner right away, so by the time I was ready to make dinner - it was too late to make anything really involved. I'm out of supplies for spur of the moment snacking, or quick fixes . . .so I think that's why I wanted to revert to old habits. I'm looking forward to breakfast. Always, always have waffles in the house.

An afterthought: Maybe I'm dragging my feet about the Cleanse now, because I'm nervous about what it's going to be like when it's over and I don't have "The Cleanse" to help keep me accountable.

Day 18

Freston dedicates a few chapters in her book to the importance of a plant-based diet, which is more time than she spends on any of the other four items - alcohol, gluten, caffeine, or sugar. I don't normally get on my soap box about animal rights, but I wanted to mention just a little bit of what I've learned from the Cleanse - and from 6 years of vegetarianism.

I just read an article recently that human beings are naturally herbivores. Not until the Ice Age were humans forced to become hunters due to lack of vegetation. But the human body is not a carnivorous one. Humans don't have claws or canines (the teeth we call canines are not even close to what actual carnivores have) to rip flesh. Instead, they have hands and molars that are better suited for picking and chewing fruits and grains. Our intestines are long, like other herbivores - not short like carnivores. Carnivores have shorter intestines so that the flesh they eat can pass through their systems more quickly. We let rotting flesh sit in our systems and kill us. I won't go on and on . . .but statistically and historically - it's not a good idea to eat a lot of meat. We waste a lot of our resources on growing crops for factory farmed animals - when we could be growing crops that could feed the entire world.

In terms of the meat we do eat, the way we manufacture it in the United States is disgusting. The animal agriculture industry is killing our environment, torturing innocent animals, and jeopardizing our health. I don't want to rant . . .but it breaks my heart to think of any living thing suffering through a life like that of a factory farmed animal. All life is sacred. And I want to honor that.

I think a great introduction to what factory farming is all about can be found at this website: http://www.themeatrix.com. It's a cartoon that's not too graphic and just explains what happens on a factory farm.

That's it! I just wanted to spend one day lobbying for animal rights. Back to the Cleanse - and only three days left!

Day 17

Today was uneventful, but very tasty. I'm going through bananas like crazy. I have a fruit smoothie almost every day for lunch now. That sounds bad . . .but it's just a banana, a handful of raspberries, and a cup of soy milk. Sometimes I add tangerines and sometimes I add a squirt of agave nectar.

If you decide to try this cleanse, agave nectar is a must-have. It has a consistency like syrup or honey - but it's made from the juice of the Mexican agave plant. You can use it to replace sugar or honey in recipes. I use it on my gluten-free waffles and sometimes in my smoothies. It's sweet and yummy. And all natural! And vegan. Go, agave!

Day 16

Today I treated myself to a hair cut at a vegan, eco-friendly salon that just opened up in Bethlehem last January. It's called Lux - and they use totally organic, environmentally friendly materials with no animal byproducts. A lot of the furniture is recycled and they only use products that come in recyclable packaging. The price of the haircut was $40 - which I think is phenomenal, considering all of the products are animal-free and environment-friendly and they include a scalp massage as part of the haircut - which was heavenly. The salon is really cute, so if you live in the Bethlehem-area - definitely check it out. Their website is http://www.luxecosalon.com.

Dinner tonight was a simple mushroom barley soup and salad with garlic bread made from the gluten-free bread, vegan butter, and minced garlic in olive oil sprinkled on top. The soup was not that tasty, but the salad and the garlic bread made the meal. We're having leftover stuffed peppers tomorrow night, leaving only three more meals to plan. (Monday night, I'll be out on the trail - so whatever freeze-dried vegetarian meal is available is what I'll eat.)

Day 15

The reality that the Cleanse is almost over is starting to sink in. I just have a few more meals to plan before I can go back to normal. What I hope "normal" means - is continuing to cook on a daily basis and to serve balanced, healthy, thoughtful meals. I'm already planning ahead and trying to think of meals that can incorporate what I've learned through the Clease and items I would normally buy to eat - like Morningstar Farms soy crumbes, hot dogs, or chicken nuggets. I know as long as I continue to plan ahead, I should be able to stay true to my new habits. Is it too early to start the countdown? Six days left!

Day 14

This is the official end of Week 2. I'm on my final week! I'm very happy that the drama from yesterday has subsided and I can't wait for it to be just another funny story. I'm also pleased that I didn't even consider breaking the Cleanse. It wasn't an option. In fact, I even went out for a walk.

Today I finally reappeared at the gym. I also went grocery shopping for the week and stayed very close to my budget. I only went $4 over - and that is largely due to my literal pound of raw cashews and a bag of snow peas I bought on impulse because they just looked so delicious.

The first week of the Cleanse resulted in dramatic weight loss, which I know from experience is typical when you begin a healthy routine. This week I still lost weight, but I'm probably slowing down to a much more reasonable rate. At the end of week two I'm at 244. That's a 2.6 pound weight loss for the week and 10 pounds exactly for the entire Cleanse.

Day 13

I could feel myself getting angry . . .I was trying to help this customer fifteen minutes after we had closed and the computer was freezing. I had finished half of his request when the program just stopped working. I tried rebooting the computer, but to no avail. I let him know if he called ahead, we could have the request waiting for him the next day - and that's when his tone of voice changed. I had a non-stop line from 3:15 to after we closed. Every customer had multiple follow-up questions and I knew I had at least another half hour of work to finish, which would mean another teller would have to stay way after close. I felt very under pressure and when he started to demand things I couldn't give - I snapped. I became abrupt and tense. He became belligerent. I refused to help him. That's when the f-bomb dropped. Both f-bombs . . .multiple times. "You lazy, fat f-ing bitch." Again and again and again.

I shouldn't have gotten angry. I should have stayed calm. I wish I could take that moment back. I wish I could do it over. "I'll be closing your accounts . . .have a GREAT day," I yelled after him as I locked the door behind him. "You touch my accounts and I'll sue you - you fat bitch . . .you look like . . ." But I didn't hear the rest. I was walking away. Then I melted. I sat in the bathroom, hypervenilating . . .trying to catch my breath. I hated that I couldn't remain calm, I hated that I got angry and responded to his insults, and I hated that I let the other tellers see me upset.

It just felt like that was all I was worth. It doesn't matter how genuine I try to be, how much I want to help, what I like or don't like. What I believe. Who I love. It doesn't matter who I am. In that moment, that's what I was - a fat bitch. And that's all I ever was and ever will be. It was really personal to me. His opinion was the only opinion. And his opinion was the truth.

It just happened about an hour ago . . .so I'm still trying to get his voice out of my head. I thought a little monologue would help. This day isn't over, and I'm still on a Cleanse. I'm going to take my walk and eat my stuffed pepper and continue to do my best.

Day 12

Just a quick update to say that today was the first day I experienced real, undeniable hunger. I had a very small breakfast bar on the run because I had to work early. Then I had a very small lunch because I didn't have time to run home to make something more substantial. Then I totally underestimated the time it would take to get to Abbey's party after work and therefore snacked on carrots until I could finally make tacos when I got home about an hour ago.

Abbey had some amazing looking spinach tarts and dozens of cookies to choose from - but I have to say (proudly) that I only had plain carrot sticks and my old standby - chips and salsa.

Chips and salsa are the most amazing snack ever invented. Gluten and sugar free, potentially fat free depending on what kind of chips you get, and completely vegan. Who knew?

Day 11

Today I am officially past the halfway point. It's going to be over soon! I started walking around the complex this morning. Nothing crazy, just one time around. It takes about 10 minutes at the most. My goal is to go 21 days in a row. Theoretically, it takes 21 days to build a new habit. The whole concept behind the Cleanse is to take 21 days to build new, healthy habits and routines. If you build new habits in baby steps over 21 day increments - eventually you will have a new, healthy routine.

I found this really neat website while I was naming my blog. It's just http://www.for21days.com. You can create goals and enter them into a printable calendar. Then you take the calendar, hang it where you can see it, and cross off each day until you reach 21. It's helpful for people like me who need something visual and tangible to help stay motivated. I couldn't get my goals to print on the calendar, but I just printed a blank one and wrote in my goals. I love it. I have three calendars going right now. One for the Cleanse, one for the gym, and one for walking.

Day 10

The number one question I get when I explain the Cleanse to people is about gluten. What is it and why aren't you eating it? Gluten is a starchy, protein-filled carbohydrate that gives bread products a fluffy, chewy texture. Also known as textured vegetable protein, it's a staple of many vegetarian diets because it's so high in protein - and it can be made to look like "meat" products. In her book, Freston says that gluten is so common as an additive in processed foods - many people will go their entire lives with a gluten-allergy and never know it. They just always feel sick and never know that feeling better is a possibility. She says the more you stick to whole foods, the less gluten you will consume.

The reason gluten can be harmful is it acts like a toxin in the body and can hurt the small intestine. It makes digestion difficult and gives you an overactive immune system. But Freston says not everyone has difficulty with gluten. She recommends giving it up during the Cleanse to give your body a break from processing it - and to determine how it affects you.

I haven't had any digestive problems since being on the Cleanse, but it's hard to determine if that has anything to do with gluten. I will definitely be eating gluten again once the Cleanse is over - mostly due to my LOVE of veggie dogs and veggie nuggets! So I'll try to gauge how I feel once I start reintroducing it to my body.

One final note on the gluten-free bread: Laura suggested toasting it - and it was amazing! It was much fluffier and the hard, crumbly texture disappeared. I had two sandwiches for dinner. Thanks, Laura!

Day 9

This morning I opened up to Day 9 in the Kathy Freston book, and the opening line was an acknowledgement that at this point in the Cleanse, a participant may begin to feel like there's no end in sight - and all of this might just appear to be a big waste of time. But she goes on to explain that the frustration you feel from not having that bag of french fries at lunch, or that big piece of cake after dinner, is really about habit. You feel something, and you react to it in a way that makes you feel good. And the point of doing this for 21 days is to break out of a bad habit.

I'm really starting to look toward the light at the end of the tunnel. There are two amazing things that have developed from the Cleanse so far. One is that in a short period of time, I've been able to kick caffeine and hopefully for good. I haven't craved a diet coke since the headaches passed and I'm really happy about that. The second is that I've discovered that making dinner from scratch isn't that much of a hassle. I can make a full-course meal at the end of a busy day. And Chuck and I both really love sitting at the table together to eat. It feels like we're building a family. It feels like I'm preparing to be Mom.

I can't wait to be able to eat gluten again. Yummy, yummy, yummy. That's what I miss the most. And I'm daydreaming of all the meals I'll make post-Cleanse. Mmmm . . .

Day 8

I started off Week Two with a trip to the grocery store, just to pick up some things I ran out of last week. The price of the groceries this week was half what I paid last week - and if Chuck and I combined were spending $20 a day on food - the cost is less to make meals at home. And this trip included a few more things I probably wouldn't buy every week. I'm very happy to see the price coming down, although I would still like to cut it in half. I also discovered vegan soy crumbles and vegan hot dogs. I can't eat them yet because they do have gluten in them, but it makes remaining a vegan after the Cleanse that much more plausable.

Today I made the most delicious fruit smoothie. Cold and sweet. I do miss chocolate. And soft, gluten-filled bread. I bought another loaf of gluten-free bread this week, but I think I shouldn't have. I'm getting sick of it. It's so dry and crumbly. I'm going to give it a rest before I make another sandwich.

Day 7

This is the completion of week one. I'm now officially one third of the way through this experiment and I think I need to take a moment to remember what this is all about. This wasn't supposed to be about deprevation or sacrifice or even weight loss. This is meant to be a healing, cleansing process. This is a vacation from the toxic effects of caffeine and dairy and sugar. This is a gift to my body.

In the past few days I've really gotten caught up in what I can't have instead of what I'm giving myself by doing this. Instead of thinking about what I'm going to do after the 21 days, I need to focus on what I'm doing now. This is for now. This is - as Kathy Freston says in her book - a rebooting of the system. It's like a fresh start and a new perspective.

It's hard to catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection from a window, or passing by a mirror - and just despising what you see. After a week of such pure dedication to making good choices, you want to feel good when you look at yourself. When you don't feel good, it kills a lot of the motivation you have for the process. I wasn't going to weigh myself until the end of the Cleanse, but I knew I had eaten healthy and I drank a lot of water. I needed some evidence of positive change - besides the fact that I know I've kicked the caffeine addiction - to push me forward. So to share the results - I'm now at 246.6. That's a 7.4 pound weight loss - much of which is probably water weight. But still an amazing number to see.

For the next two weeks, I'm really going to try to read each day's chapter in the book to help remind me of what I'm doing for myself. And also, I'd like to add a daily walk to the cleanse, to get me outside and give me time to reflect. Week Two, here I come!

Day 6

I'm one day shy of completing week one. Today has been the first difficult day I've had. I've been hungry, cranky, and feeling very negative about the outcome of the Cleanse. I made corn-on-the-cob and veggie wraps for dinner. I don't know why the tortillas tasted so dry. They were regular corn tortillas I would buy any time - not just on the cleanse. But tonight they just tasted disgusting. I was so disappointed.

It's the end of my work week and I just want to curl up on the couch and eat french fries and have a diet coke. A big, big bottle of diet coke. And what's the point of doing this at all when in a few weeks I'll just go right back to the caffeine/sugar addiction. And there's no way I'll be able to stay a vegan. It's hard enough being a vegetarian - particularly in social situations.

I think I should go to bed because if I stay up any longer I'll convince myself that I'm wasting my time. And tomorrow I'm going to start my day with a big, delicious breakfast - which is something I skipped for the first time today. Maybe that's the problem . . .

Day 5

I'm in sugar shock! I've been planning for this day. Today was Chuck's birthday and I made a big dinner - totally vegan and according to the plan. The corn fritters were a disaster. I think I put in way too much cornmeal. I'll wait a few weeks for the memory of that dry, grainy mess to fade away before trying it again. But the roasted root vegetables and the asparagus that I made as side dishes were so, so, so delicious - I made a meal entirely out of the veggies. So now for the good part . . .

I am so lucky to live less than a mile away from Vegan Treats. You can get anything sweet - ice cream, doughnuts, cookies, cupcakes, . . .birthday cakes! . . .totally vegan. And they're delicious. They make these small cakes that are perfect for just two or three people. I was happy to see it so crowded when I went to pick up the cake. You can visit http://www.vegantreats.com to check out everything they have to offer and for other locations.

So I had a very humble piece of painfully delicious vegan cake during the birthday celebration. That probably breaks both the sugar and the gluten rule - but only for one night. Oh and another thing . . .vegans beware: the "veggie" slices of cheese in the tofu aisle aren't vegan! I had no idea. I saw a package that was labeled vegan, so I checked out the other cheeses to see what the ingredients were - and they all contained some dairy.

I would love to remain a vegan after the cleanse is over - but what would I do without my soy nuggets and my soy crumbles and my tofu-dogs?

Day 4

So I think I'll just review what I liked and what I didn't like so far. The breakfast bars, the waffles, the tuna salad, and the black bean burgers have all been easy and delicious. And those are all things that can be prepared ahead of time and eaten in a hurry. The gluten-free pasta was not so great. But I also don't really like pesto, so maybe I could make a different kind of sauce. I wouldn't make the tofu dessert again, either - or the tofu scramble. But I also accidentally used the extra-firm tofu in something else and could only make it with soft tofu - so that could have really contributed to the texture problem. Tomorrow night I'm going to try the corn fritters in celebration of Chuck's birthday!

I still haven't been hungry, and I'm still headache-free. I'm also proud that in spite of massive temptation (we had free lunch at work, and they ordered veggie subs especially for me) - I still stuck to my plan.

I'm amazed that I spend a lot less time watching TV. Eating in the kitchen, I don't turn on the TV - and then I spend more time cleaning up and putting things away. You would think that spending that extra time in the kitchen would mean that I have less time - but I find that I seem to have more.

Day 3

Finally! A day without a headache. Maybe I've finally kicked the caffeine habit. It feels amazing to think that I might no longer be a slave to caffeine. I don't have to worry that I'll come home with a headache if I don't remember to bring a diet coke to work.

Today was the first day back to work since being on the cleanse. At around 7:00, I was starting to feel disappointed about not being able to stop for dinner on my way home from work. It's such a habit . . .it's something I look forward to. So easy, so comforting, so reliable. But when I got home, I was able to cook up the last of the black bean burgers in less than five minutes - and I was happy.

I can't believe this is the end of Day 3. Wow.

Day 2

The caffeine headache has persisted into Day 2. It's really the only side effect I'm having. I'm not hungry. I don't crave anything. I just have this nagging headache and I'm fighting off the urge to make it go away with some Excedrin - which is loaded with caffeine and would do the trick nicely.

Chuck and I had planned on spending a quality day together in honor of his birthday, which is actually Saturday. I was irritable and in - I'll say discomfort - because it's not quite pain. We planned on hiking up to Bake Oven Knob in PA - where he and my dad had just hiked a few weeks ago. I didn't know how I would feel out there with this headache, but amazingly - as we stepped out into the fresh air, my headache just kind of subsided. The hike wasn't too intense and the view from the top was amazing. We lounged around on the rocks in the cool breeze and I was glad to be there - not thinking about my headache.

So this is the end of Day 2. I'm just hoping that tomorrow I'll be over my caffeine detox. Oh - the tempeh "tuna" salad which I saw on the Ellen show while they were talking about the Cleanse was just as good as it looked - and not that hard to make.

Day 1

Shopping for food was scary. I don't cook, so I had to stock up my kitchen from scratch. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find everything - or that the money it would cost to buy all this fresh food would be outrageous. Both things turned out to be true.

I'm feeling the lack of caffeine. My head is killing me. On a more positive note - all of the things I made today turned out well. It was great to have a homemade meal at the kitchen table instead of eating out of Chinese containers or pizza boxes in front of the TV.

The one thing I haven't been is hungry. But my head really does hurt, so I think I'll call this the end of Day 1.

Introduction: Before the 21 Days

It was a particularly busy day at the bank. I had planned on only taking a quick lunch and not taking my break at home, as I sometimes do. But by the time it was my turn, I was so tired and frustrated - I decided to take advantage of every last minute of my hour-long lunch break. I was hungry and as is typical of me, I didn't want to get out of my car to get something to eat. I stopped at Burger King for my usual veggie burger, fries, and a diet coke. When I arrived at home, I snuggled up on the couch with my deliciously fattening comfort foods and turned on the TV. Lunches had been running late and I don't always go home for my break, so I'm not usually home at that time of day - but Ellen happened to be on, so I watched. Her guest was Kathy Freston and she was talking about a 21-day cleanse to get rid of all the toxins in your body and kind of reboot your system. I was fascinated by what she was saying and the tofu wrap they were displaying looked amazing. I felt like it was fate that I should be watching TV, guiltily chowing down on my customary lunch of french fries, hating the rut I was in - at the exact moment a solution was being presented to me. I knew I wanted to read the book she was promoting.

I had been feeling stuck. Disillusioned. Unhealthy. Unpretty. Even unworthy of existing at all. A few years ago I had successfully lost 50 pounds, but that was when I had one full-time job and only went to school part-time - taking mostly online classes at a community college. Since taking on the overwhelming task of going back to school full-time and still trying to work as much as possible to pay my bills, I haven't been able to get back that drive. I've been pretty much one thing: exhausted. Every last pound I had lost is back - with a vengeance.

Right after work, I bought "The Quantum Wellness Cleanse" and read it cover to cover. I'm ready to honor my body. When I became a vegetarian five years ago, I didn't call myself a vegetarian. I just consciously stopped eating meat little by little until one day it had been months since I had eaten any meat, poultry, seafood, or gelatin - and it was official. I see the 21-day cleanse as the same kind of battle. I was afraid to change my lifestyle - only to ultimately fail. This is just a 21-day challenge. Not a diet. Not a commitment for life. I'm just trying this experiment.

Freston recommends journaling for three days before starting the cleanse to monitor your eating habits. Today is my third day before the cleanse, and I've learned that because I feel tired a lot, I don't want to spend time cooking food or planning meals. I just want instant gratification. That makes me feel guilty because I want to be able to cook delicious, healthy meals for the family I hope to someday have. I've found that I can usually shut guilt up with a cookie. I also know that if I don't have a diet coke by noon, I get intense headaches. I'm ready to stop being a slave to chemicals and additives that shouldn't be in my body. As a vegetarian, I'm ready to take a more powerful stand against the animal agriculture industry. I'm ready to feel full of energy and proud of what I'm putting into my body. I'm ready to honor myself and hopefully this will help keep me accountable.

I officially begin the cleanse tomorrow - which means I will be giving up caffeine, gluten, sugar, alcohol, and all animal proteins - including dairy - for 21 days. For the sake of science, I'll admit that I'm starting the cleanse at 254 pounds with very nervous feelings that I won't be able to do this. But if I don't try, I'll never know . . .