Day 41

Very happy and healthy day 41! I am pleased to report that I had the first urge to go to the bathroom since the enema fiasco last weekend - and everything went very smoothly! No pain, no constipation. I think I might be completely cleaned out.

And in even more exciting news, I decided to try on some clothes that don't fit me, just to see how much or how little my body is really shifting. Honestly, I do not see the change in myself - but I do feel a difference in my clothes. I decided to try on a shirt I had from Halloween that I wore once - it was tight - and after I washed it I couldn't squeeze into it again. It fit! I couldn't believe it. I decided to go a step further and try on a pair of pants I had buried at the bottom of my closet. I had almost donated them, but decided to hold onto them a little longer. They fit, too! I'm in shock. And it's motivating. Even though I can't see the difference, I know that I could not fit into these clothes. And I can now.

Here's a Day 41 before and after:

Day 40

Day 40! Yay! Only 20 more days to go. I was exhausted when I got home today and I fell asleep on the couch pretty quickly. I ended up having a nightmare that I was at a party and everytime I got back to my seat, I would realize I forgot another thing I wanted to put on my plate. So I would get up and get a slice of pizza, and realize I wanted ranch dressing, and then I would realize I wanted a soda, and then I would realize I wanted pretzels, and then cubes of cheese. I'm pretty sure this is because I didn't juice when I got home before I took a nap - and now I'm starving! So I'm going to have dinner and leave the dream behind.

Day 39

I believe that people are born with certain personality traits that just feel more natural and authentic. I have always been a more reserved, introverted, reflective, introspective kind of person. I don't like big places. I don't like crowds. And I spent many, many years fighting that natural inclination to be more alone. To be more quiet. Why can't I be comfortable in groups? Why can't I make friends quickly? Why can't I be more x, y, or z?

But maybe the real question is why is it not OK to feel those things? Maybe these are things that don't have to be changed. All people cannot be all things. I am an inherently more quiet human being. And that's just the way it is. I finally feel like I'm making peace with me. I absolutely believe in personal growth and change - but maybe before we can really grow and change - we have to accept and respect ourselves for being the best we can be in this moment. Until we own ourselves, wanting to change comes from a place of "I'm not good enough." That kind of change is not loving or meaningful - and maybe that's why it's not lasting, either. When we are good and loved and lovable the way we are - then maybe we just begin to change naturally. Because we know what we want and what makes us happy. And we deserve it.

All that to say, my natural inclination was to decline Happy Hour with my cohort this afternoon. But a willingness to feel whatever came up for me naturally in order to be with a group of people that makes me happy allowed me to make a different decision. I am so grateful for my UTR family!

Day 38

I've been "stepping" on the Wii and at first I thought it was too easy. But when I woke up this morning, I could feel it in my calves. Monday I did about 45 minutes and today I did 30. It's great because, as a reality TV junkie, I can watch TV and step at the same time. The Wii remote keeps the beat and says motivational things every 100 steps.

Everything else is going smoothly. I can't wait to eat something. I also can't believe how far I've come since Day 1. I'm happy to be far, far away from just beginning.

Day 37

I'm in love with another 60-day juice faster's Youtube channel. These ladies are adorable. They offer resources, opinions, reflections - and they have such soothing voices.

The weight is dropping at a normal rate now - so not as exciting as it was in the first few weeks. But I'm starting to feel the difference in the way my clothes fit. Until this week, I really couldn't feel or see a change in my body. Now, while I still don't see anything - the pants are definitely sagging in places.

One thing that prevents me from breaking the fast in a weak moment is something one of my favorite yoga teachers says in class. When we are doing a balancing pose he always says - try to come out the way you went in. Be conscious about putting your foot back on the ground when you're letting go of tree pose instead of falling out of it. I don't want to "fall out" of the fast. I want it to be intentional. So I'm thinking before taking action. And it has saved me. 37 days strong!

Day 36

I feel so much better today! Still feeling the risidual effects of the enema - but I'm fully functioning and not in as much pain as yesterday. I'm trying to convince Chuck to come out for a walk - but if he doesn't agree to come, I'm going to avoid going out in the wind and I'll spend some time on the Wii instead. I'm thinking of having the rest of the pineapple in my veggie juice tonight. And that's all I have to report!

Day 35

Last week I weighed 236. This week I'm down to 233. That's 3 pounds for the week and 27 pounds overall. At the Farmer's Market I only spent $20, thanks to Cathy's donation of a huge box of pears!

The poop situation is taking a turn for the worse. Until yesterday, I hadn't needed to go since last Friday. Yesterday, I felt constipated and like I needed to go, but couldn't. I took a stool softener which didn't work. I sat in a warm bath which didn't work. Chuck and I did a 1.23 mile loop around the neighborhood which didn't work. So finally, I did an enema - which worked, but was also uncomfortable to say the least and painful to say the most. Now I feel relieved - and sore. So my plan for the week is to double my water intake, do the mile loop everyday, and add a probiotic to one of my juices. I scheduled a doctor's appointment at the halfway mark, but she was so booked I couldn't get in until the end of the fast. So if the situation doesn't improve I may consider ending the fast early. We'll have to wait and see!

Day 34

I went into New York City today for the NYCoRE 3rd Annual Conference:



The drive into the city over the George Washington Bridge was amazing. The sky was pink, the river was blue, and the view of the city skyline was gorgeous from the Upper Level. The conference was absolutely amazing. And overwhelming. And thought-provoking. And moving. It reinvigorated my drive to become a teacher in Newark. It reminded me that I'm here for a reason.

In terms of the fast, I was surprisingly hungry today. But I made it and I'm very excited for the weigh-in tomorrow. I'm starting to really notice the extra room in my clothes.

For my UTR family and all educators who might read my blog - I think this was referenced in The New Teacher Book by Rethinking Schools, and it has stayed with me from the first time I read it:

Prophets of a Future Not Our Own

This is what we are about:
We plant seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results,
but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders,
ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.

~ Archbishop Oscar Arnulfo Romero

Day 33

I'm basically on autopilot. I actually have concerns about anything that disrupts my ability to function without preplanning. For example, I stayed late at Montclair on Wednesday for a screening and panel discussion of the documentary Strangers No More:



Before the movie, we stopped at a restaurant for happy hour. I have a weakness for Mexican food - I love smoked tofu or veggie tacos! And fried plantains. And guacamole. Yum. But I was happy to drink water and watch the other girls eat.

Tomorrow I have a long day in NYC for the

New York Collective of Radical Educators annual conference. I'll be packing lots of juice.

Tonight, Chuck and I are heading out to see The Hunger Games:



I love the smell of the movie theatre!

Day 32

The best decision I've made on the juice fast so far was to ban the scale to Sundays only. I feel free. I'm not jumping on it every second, not wondering if I've lost any weight today, and not feeling a constant need to "do more" because the weight isn't dropping.

I forgot my juice for lunch today, but luckily I didn't feel very hungry. I had a watermelon juice with a handful of spinach for dinner - which is a treat because I usually don't have fruit for dinner (except the lemon and lime slices and the apple I use to hide the taste of the veggie juice). I stopped bothering with recipes very early on in the fast. I'm rarely even creative anymore. I just stick to what I know. I have a fruit juice in the morning, a mix for lunch, and a veggie juice for dinner.

I think my intestines are completely empty. Since last Friday, I only pee now. It's actually amazing that I was still emptying out for so long into the fast.

Day 31

Ugh. What a long, stressful day.

Just an update to say I'm here! And done with this day forever!

Day 30

Happy Halfway to me! It's all downhill from here! In celebration of my first 30 days, I faced the beet in my refrigerator. Not bad. My mistake was adding too much ginger. I also didn't enjoy how hard it was to cut open and the red stains that got everywhere!

Chuck and I dusted off the handheld GPS and went geocaching. We got to really know the Lehigh Valley by going on geocache adventures, so now we're discovering Hackettstown. We took a trip along the Morris Canal - but only found one of the two caches we were looking for before it got dark.

Side note - Chuck just opened a peach iced tea and it smells amazing. I'll have to be on the lookout for peaches to juice.

Day 29

I can't get enough of this girl:



She will tell you absolutely EVERYTHING about the juice fast experience. It looks like she's done a few 30-day fasts and is currently in the middle of a 60-day fast.

She will tell you that juice fasting is very expensive, but in my experience it has been much cheaper than my regular grocery bill. In fact, I spend less than half of what I used to spend. I buy a variety of fruits and veggies and I usually have some produce left over at the end of the week. If you are juice fasting and finding yourself spending lots of money - make friends with your local Farmer's Market. I can always count on them for 2 pineapples for $5 and 3 lemons for $1. This week they had a sale on strawberries - two containers for just $3! Now that I'm in the swing of things, I never spend over $25 a week.

Tomorrow is a big day! It's the halfway mark!

Day 28

Last week I weighed-in at 244 pounds. Today I'm at 236. That's an 8-pound weight loss for the week, and 24 pounds overall. I've realized I'm becoming attached to aspects of the fast that were not part of my original intention. I did this to take a break from my unhealthy relationship with food. I did this to release my addiction to eating as a cure for basically everything. And that I'm doing. So I'm making a conscious effort today to stop comparing myself to other juice fasters. To stop obsessing over how much weight I lost this week. To stop staring at my arms in the mirror in disbelief that they don't seem to have changed one bit. To stop telling myself I'm not doing enough.

And what I'll do instead . . .is continue to enjoy the smells of other people cooking and eating. To continue drooling over the raw meals I plan to make when the fast ends. To look forward to my yoga immersion. To be amazed at every pound that comes off. To start running again!

I LOVE this girl's Youtube juice fast blog! I saw her last entry first, and went back to look at her day one entry and SHE LOOKS AMAZING! What a transformation in just 30 days. Inspirational.

Day 27

I seem to forget to eat more on the weekends. Less structure - less awareness of time. I just finished drinking my last juice of the day. I actually made a video of myself juicing and cleaning the juicer. As a faster, I'm fascinated by other people's videos. But after I was done making the juice, Chuck said I should have had a commentary going - so I'll make another one tomorrow to post.

Today's trip to the Farmer's Market - another $25 week! I'm starting to really get a sense of how much produce I'll need to eat for a week. By the end of the week I had just enough - and some leftover apples, grapes, and the watermelon. New items I purchased this week include a mango and a beet. I also went back to my old favorite - spinach in place of kale. It just has a nicer taste.

I haven't touched the scale since I placed it off-limits. I weigh-in tomorrow for the week! Pretty exciting. Closing in on the half-way point! Just a few more days.

Day 26

My body does not seem capable of waking up before 6:00am. I like to leave the house by 6:30am to avoid the traffic jam on route 80 in the morning. So that leaves me only time for a shower or time to make a juice. For the first few weeks of the fast, I was showering at night and juicing in the morning - but the morning shower really wakes me up and makes me feel fresh. So I'm thinking I might try juicing my breakfast at night when I juice my dinner and leaving it in the refrigerator overnight. If I try to do both in the morning, I run out of time - like I did this morning - and end up grabbing a V8 for breakfast. V8 is not life-sustaining! I was starving on my way home.

So that's the plan for Monday morning! Everything else is going smoothly.

Day 25

Thanks to Bree, I had a freshly juiced lunch! For dinner I had a pineapple, strawberry, orange juice with a handful of kale and broccoli - while I was baking crescent rolls for the preK. The warm, buttery rolls smelled delicious, but the juice tasted just as good. Or so I keep telling myself.

Day 24

A very happy and healthy Day 24! I finally went to the bathroom! Yay! I pee normally, but other than that I go to the bathroom maybe every other day. (Which has occasionally been uncomfortable.) I haven't taken a laxative because I'm nervous to irritate my stomach and I'm not sure what the result would be. I got a suggestion for a vitamin that could help - so I'm looking into that. Until then, I took a stool softener which helped a little. I should be good until Friday.

I've noticed that I do not eat for hunger on the fast. I eat for nutrition. I eat because it's time to eat. In the morning I have a juice. At lunch, I have a juice. At dinner, I have a juice. Sometimes I have to force myself to have a juice. I'll notice the time and remind myself that I need to have nutrition to be able to function normally. That's a totally new experience for me.

I've also been a little obsessive compulsive with the scale lately, so I'm making it off limits until my weigh-in on Sunday. It just makes me crazy to weigh myself all day and constantly see different results. As a lifetime weight-"watcher", I know better than that! I know your weight fluctuates slightly throughout the day, and even from day to day. So I need to stop constantly watching and just take my weight once a week to get an idea of where I'm heading.

Thank you so much to Gary Gibson for getting lots of new juice ideas for me and to my mentor teacher for bringing in the raw food recipe book and the vegan slow cooker recipe book! I can't wait to try some of the raw recipes. They looked amazing. Just 36 more days to wait . . .

Finally, I was able to get to the library and pick up a library card. Very exciting. Check out what they gave me:

Day 23

I've decided I'm definitely going to do the Yoga Detox after this juice fast is over. So that means an intense month of yoga and another 10-day detox. I went to the Q&A last night, and from what I hear - my "detox" will really be a transition from juicing back to the way I hope to be eating for the rest of my life. I'm most excited about the cooking lessons.

Following other people's juice journeys is a great support and a great resource - but one cautionary note is not to get into the trap of comparing yourself to them. The guy in the blog I religiously watch is losing about a pound a day and he raves about how he doesn't even crave any of the old foods he used to eat before the fast. Great. Not me. My weight loss slowed way down in the past week - although it's still dropping at what would normally be considered a healthy rate. But I think about my old habits and dream of eating those foods. So I don't know if there's a magic day on which all those cravings will suddenly disappear - but I'm almost to the end of a whole month and I can guarantee I will eat a smoked tofu taco again in my lifetime.

I had a very happy, very high-energy, very productive day. And a delicious pineapple, kale, pepper juice for dinner.

Day 22

Just a short post today to say everything is moving along. Nothing much to report. I had a juice that didn't sit right tonight for dinner. Blah. Chuck and I are casually looking at houses. Casually.

Day 21

Well I accomplished most of what I wanted yesterday.

1. Get back on the Wii:



Check!

2. Hike in the Allamuchy Mountains:



Check!

3. Get a library card . . .

No such luck. It turns out I can't have a Warren County library card because I live in Hackettstown, and they have their own library. So it looks like I'll have to try again tomorrow night.

In other news - I spent $25 at the Farmer's Market this week, which is fantastic. I bought some apples, watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, carrots, broccoli, grapes, and peppers. I still have some oranges and kale left over to last the upcoming week. Any juicers out there have suggestions for fruits or veggies I haven't tried yet? No beets! I know they're supposed to be fantastic . . .but . . .ew. I'm not ready yet.

I'm weighing in at 242 this week, which is a little disappointing. Only a two pound weight loss for the week. It's only disappointing compared with how much I lost in the first few weeks, and how much the guy in the blog on youtube is losing. He's losing a pound a day. I thought yesterday's two-hour hike would push me into the 230s . . .but I'll just have to wait for next week's weigh-in.

Day 19 and 20

Woops! I fell asleep last night before I could blog. No news to report, everything is going fine. Most of the time I really don't feel hungry. But that's not to say that every minute of the fast is easy. There are definitely moments when I really think I'm going to stop. But they are passing moments and today I'm officially 1/3 of the way through the fast. I intend to go all the way to 60 days. I have my virtual partners via video blogs which is something to look forward to every day.

Today I intend to get back on the Wii Fit, which is how the guy in the video blog above tracks his weight loss. I also intend to pick up a library card - although since I haven't changed my driver's license yet, I don't know if that will happen. And finally, I hope to take a hike around the Allamuchy Mountains.

In one of the fasting blogs I read, the writer was commenting on the typical ways people around a juice faster react. Some are neutral, some feel defensive or guilty about eating around you, and some are completely supportive and inspired. I have to say that one thing juice fasting brought to the light was love.

I think most of the time I don't acknowledge the love I have in my life. It's just there in the background, ignored or taken for granted. But I realized that there's a network of people - close and far - who may know me a lot or a little, but who are there with love and support - not just now, but all the time. I feel lucky. And thankful.

Day 18

First, a juice update: Last night I was tired and didn't feel like having a veggie juice, so as a treat I made a purely watermelon juice. It - was - amazing. I wouldn't do this on a normal basis, because I really want to get a variety of fruits and veggies. But it was so clean, so sweet - not sticky, like citrus fruits are. It was the one juice I've had so far that I can say felt like a treat. So I'll definitely have to buy another watermelon this weekend. I also did a carrot, kale, grape, apple, broccoli mix for dinner that tasted nice. I made my juice while Chuck cooked his dinner and we ate together. It felt great. We haven't eaten together like that since the beginning of the fast.

In other news, I had my presentation today. I felt good about it - but any time I'm in a high stress situation - it could be a presentation, a rough day at work, attending a workshop, meeting new people, even hanging out with friends - when I'm alone, I hyperfocus on whatever just transpired. Did I stumble on my words, did I convey what I was really thinking, did I say anything offensive, was I polite, was I authentic . . .Analyzing myself to death. It's uncomfortable - and I avoid it by eating a cookie or some french fries. So needless to say, the drive home was rough. I stopped by Stephens State Park which is just a few minutes from my apartment and tried to distract myself with nature:



Being a South Jersey girl at heart, I used to think I could never leave the flatlands. My ears pop at the slightest change in elevation. But now after seven years of being surrounded by them, I have to say I love living in the mountains.

Day 17

Feeling strong. I've noticed that when I haven't eaten in a long time, that's when I start to really crave all those things I would normally eat. As soon as I drink a juice, the craving goes away.

I'm considering signing up for this workshop at Easton Yoga, which would start on April 21st and run for four weeks. It's a commitment to yoga and whole foods. And I think the Universe is telling me it's for me, because it starts the day after my fast ends. I think ending my fast with this month-long yoga immersion could really help ease me back into the real world and keep me accountable at the same time.

I'm already planning my day of yummy soups from Zoup . . .April 21!

Day 16

I had a fantastic nap while Chuck was watching the Devils game tonight and woke up just to get out to the pool and have my last drink of the day. I had a delicious strawberry, broccoli, celery, apple, cucumber, carrot mix. Nice and sweet.

Last night I tried radishes in my juice for the first time. HORRIBLE! I love radishes in my salads, but in the drink it was so overpowering and it gave it a hot, spicy feeling. Not even the lemon made it tolerable. So no more radishes for me. Seriously - I'm giving away my radishes. If you would like a bag of radishes, please let me know.



Other than that, no real news to report. Everything is going well. One of the blogs I follow said that a sign that your body isn't regulated back to normal is that you aren't hungry in the mornings. He said most overweight people aren't hungry in the morning. I don't know if that's true, but I'm not hungry either - so I don't think I'm totally regulated the way a human being should be. Maybe after 60 days.

Day 15

Early post today! Everything is fine and going well. We had a feast today in the PreK. A cultural luncheon. Everything looked so delicious . . .potato salad, rice and beans, and it was especially hard not to pop a cube of cheese in my mouth. But I prevailed. I took last week off from the pool, so I plan on heading back there tonight for a half mile. See you tomorrow.

Day 14

I had a fabulous day 14! Very happy. No cravings today for the first time. I went to the Farmer's Market and picked up a few new items to juice - watermelon, radishes, and kale. I only spent $20, which is fantastic. I always buy apples. Apples are in almost every drink I have. For lunch I tried a watermelon, kiwi, strawberry drink. It was interesting. I couldn't taste the watermelon, though.

I created a visual tracking system to help me see how many days I have left in the fast. (Maybe this is the special education teacher in me coming out.) I have three juices a day and I like to use a straw to bypass the foam on top, of which I am not a fan. So this is how many juices I have left before the end of the fast:



In other news, I went to yoga for the first time since Day 1 of the fast. It was a special Yoga Under the Sphere event at Easton Yoga, which is my favorite studio. There are only about 70 of these digital spheres in the world, and Easton is the only place that offers yoga under a sphere. It's a great event that benefits the Shanthi Project - a program in Easton that brings yoga to incarcerated youth and adults. The workout was intense! I pushed when I felt I could push and held back when I felt like I needed to hold back. My muscles will be sore tomorrow.

Finally, at the end of week two - I weigh 244 pounds, which is a 16 pound weight loss so far. Looking forward to the next week of fasting!

Day 13

Lost day. Spent the day working from sunrise to sunset. Still not done. Just blogging for consistency. Two juices today . . .tried the kiwi - it was fine. Tart. Gotta get back to work so I can take it easy tomorrow, probably should have one more juice tonight.

Day 12

One great thing about this fast has been the amount of support people are giving. I'm constantly hearing words of encouragement and people are asking questions which gives me a chance to talk about what I'm doing, which gets me motivated all over again. So thanks!

Feeling good. Feeling energized. I did just wake up from a nap, though. I have to get ready for a late movie night! I'm going to see Wanderlust which I think is probably the perfect movie to see on a juice fast. I can't wait to smell all the amazing and delicious smells of the movie theatre! I'm bringing a V8 in my pocket, just in case . . .

Day 11

Same old stuff to report. No hunger, some cravings, maybe feeling some detox symptoms - stuffed up, scratchy throat, bad taste in my mouth. Very happy to have a weekend coming up, although it will be a working weekend - lots of lesson plans to write and a presentation to flesh out.

Tonight I decided to make myself a special treat - a strawberry soda. I took a handful of spinach, a slice of lime, and two handfuls of strawberries - then filled the rest of the cup up with sparkling water. Not as sweet as I imagined it would be. But it was worth it for the smell of all those strawberries mashed up when I cleaned out the juicer. It smelled like summer.