Crunching the Numbers

The last time I weighed myself was on May 12 and I weighed in at 216.6 pounds. This morning, 6 weeks later, I weigh 209.2 pounds. So that's 7.4 pounds lost since May 12. And that works out to be 1.23 pounds per week. So that's OK. That's normal. It's much, much slower than during the fast - painfully slow, in fact. During the fast, I would lose 7.4 pounds in less than two weeks. But I'm not fasting anymore. I'm enjoying my life. I eat salty food, sweet food, fatty food, comfort food, homemade food, take-out food. And I don't regret it.

I'm comfortably running 4.5 miles three times a week. Above everything else, I fear the "do more" mentality. I'm resisting the urge to run more and to eat less. Because I think I'm in a healthy place. A place of non-dieting. A place of non-exhaustion. I'm in a place of comfort. Of health and happiness.

So next goals: I'm planning to increase my mileage a little this week. I'm planning to add a walk on my yoga days. I fell off the wagon a little this week, going out to eat a lot and relying on quick fix wraps or sandwiches instead of homemade meals. So this week I'm rallying my energy and vowing to cook!

Finally, I'm planning to start my 10-Day July Juice Fast on July 14. I'm having a Q&A event locally on June 30 - and also, anyone interested in juicing can ask virtual questions on the Facebook page. Looking forward to getting back to the juice.

Trusting the Body

One more week until I step on the scale.

When I trust my body, I eat a spoonful of peanut butter, I run at a pace that feels good, I notice my ability to step up into a forward fold from a downward dog in two steps, I wear t-shirts I bought years ago but could never wear, and I notice the comfort of chairs that once pinched my hips and thighs.

But there are also many moments of doubt. Sometimes I find myself trapped in old patterns of thought. Warrior II is the worst position to see myself in. When I catch myself in the reflection, with my arms outstretched, I see every bump and curve and roll. It looks like the same old body. The same body I had four months ago.

I see the scale as the judge. If the number is lower, I can trust my body. If the number is not lower, then I can't. I don't want the number to matter, but if I don't have affirmation, how can I know if I'm doing the right things?

Ugh! I'm planning to start the 10-day July Juice Fast on July 14th. So get ready! Next week the numbers will be in . . .

Vegan Comfort Food

These past few weeks have been incredibly stressful. I've been sleep deprived, overworked, and now I'm getting sick. The interview process is intense. I check my e-mail thousands of times a day - hoping to see that next interview invitation or potential job offer. And nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Am I doing enough? Am I missing something? Am I good enough? The self-inflicted mind games are worse than the interviews themselves.

Last Wednesday, after an interview, I had the strongest craving I’ve had since February. My adrenaline was surging and I needed to regulate. Needed to numb the intense feeling of blood pumping through my veins. I desperately wanted French fries and a diet coke. Luckily, I had a bag of trail mix in the car and my water bottle was full. So I stuffed a handful of nuts and fruit into my mouth, gulped the water, kicked off my shoes, turned up the music – and just drove home.

I know I’ve been eating more recklessly lately. More in quantity. More comfort foods. But still vegan. Still mostly homemade. And I’ve bumped up to a 4-mile run, 3 times a week. Still going to yoga 3 times a week. I’ll be weighing-in about two weeks from now. I’m trying to trust my body. Trying to live by the mantra that the way I feel is more important than the number on the scale. But I don’t completely trust myself. I need to see the number decreasing to confirm that I’m actually making the right choices.

I feel strong. I’m putting together plans for my July juice fast and will keep everyone posted. Hope I get some companions! I’ll be happy to get back to the juice for a while.