You "Think" You Are What You Eat

It has now been two weeks since the end of my 60-day juice fast and I feel great. I weighed in for the first time since ending the fast and I lost another 2 pounds, which brings my total lost to 42 pounds in 2 and a half months.

Not to be misleading, I still have moments of hunger, craving, paranoia around food, feelings of failure, feelings of self-doubt - basically, a natural human experience. I think about food 90% of my day. I'm thinking food, eating food, cooking food, buying food, writing about food, talking about food, taking pictures of food. But for the first time, I'm doing these things from a place of love instead of hate.

Before the fast, I was living in a place of "I'm not good enough." I need to be thinner, more outgoing, smarter, more talented . . .So I need to do more, push harder, be better. Living became an internally angry experience. Every diet was born of disgust, punishment, and a need to change my body and mind - because I wasn't worthy the way I was.

During the fast, I didn't feel these moments of spiritual enlightenment that other people boasted they felt. I didn't feel changed. But as I started to eat food again, I began to realize that a transformation had, in fact, taken place. I realized that my entire experience of food had shifted. When I eat now, I eat for love. I want to put food into my body that nourishes and heals. I don't want fast food, processed food, dairy - because those foods don't heal, they hurt. This is the first time in 29 years of life that I have experienced food this way.

I was feeding my body what I felt I was worth. I didn't have time for myself. I didn't care about me, so I didn't care what I put into my body. So I ate fast food, frozen food, canned food, processed food, dairy. Food was like a punishment. Something to shut down my mind. To keep it from demanding respect. But now, food is a gift. I'm worth asparagus fresh from the local farm. I'm worth the steaming pot of broccoli on the stove. I'm worth the raw cashews, the raw almonds, the fresh strawberries, bananas, and grapes. I'm worth the 45 minutes it might take to create a delicious meal that I could never get from the drive-through window.

And you are, too.

I did a video update for this week with pictures of all the food I made and another before and after picture. The audio is not great - it's the first time I used my computer to film. But enjoy anyway!