I had a relatively easy transition back to work. No headaches, no hunger . . .the day went by quickly. Moments of ease and moments of lusting after food.
I'm going to spend tonight constructing a healthy plan for the rest of this year's "cleanse." Because I'm hungry! And I'm starting to worry about the less appealing physical side effects of the fast . . .like dizziness, urinary tract infections, constipation. All the fun things I totally forgot about in the euphoria of having completed the fast.
Another thing the fast brings out is all the unhealthy ideas I have about eating. I worry that if every bite I eat is not carefully planned and measured, I'll gain weight. I'll lose control and go right back to pre-fast habits. I imagine a single bite of food will make the scale jump up a number. I have to be able to see weight loss without fasting.
The fast felt like freedom. There WAS some freedom. But I don't think doing it again will bring the same sense of freedom. The fast will become the prison. Freedom to me now means eating - eating for health, eating because I'm hungry, eating because we HAVE to - and still being able to lose weight. Freedom would mean not fearing the act of eating.
But it's just like the classroom. If I want freedom, I need structure. So if I want to eat tomorrow, I need a plan tonight. So here I go . . .
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