Meditation: Day 18

I curled up on the couch, resting one hand on the dog and the other between my thighs to keep warm on this chilly evening. I closed my eyes and meditated to the sound of ocean waves - and Maggie snoring.

I got the email on Friday afternoon. My heart sank. I thought this would be easier. Harlem is asking for a demo lesson. I immediately felt anxious at the thought of having to arrange to give a lesson in the 2nd grade classroom where I’m assisting. And I also felt anxious about having to drive to Harlem just for a demo lesson. Either way, I would have to do something uncomfortable. I suddenly felt incapable. Who am I kidding, thinking I could be a teacher again? And then the negative thoughts compounded and multiplied until I was drowning in them. Who am I to give a piano lesson? Who am I to teach a yoga class? Who am I to interact with children in any capacity? Who am I?

And it reminded me of the famous quote by Marianne Williamson that ends with the question - "Who are you NOT to be?" Step one is to breathe through the anxiety and step two is to challenge the negative thoughts. In reality, doing the 5th grade demo lesson on foreshadowing a few months ago was probably the most fun I've had all year. And therefore the most reasonable assumption would be that this demo lesson will be fun too. So . . .onward and upward.