Meditation: Day 1

I sat cross-legged on the couch, backs of the palms resting on the thighs. I set the alarm for 10 minutes and closed my eyes. I found myself naturally turning to my Ujjayi Breath. It gave me something to track. Something to pay attention to. Something to come back to when my mind wandered.

I heard the patter of dog's feet on wooden floors. I felt the cold air on the back of the neck. I felt the pull of cotton against skin. But the sensation that I felt more than any other was a pervasive sense of fear. I realized I have a fear of being alive. Watching TV is not living. Snacking on food is not living. Sleeping is not living. And I turn to these activities to fill my life because when I'm faced with the reality of actually being alive, I feel fear.

I wanted to open my eyes several times within the 10 minute time span to see how many minutes I had remaining. I left them closed. I jumped when the timer finally went off.